Transformers: Gracefully Grey
I’ve never had a problem with my grey hairs. I was fortunate to grow up with a mother who never colored her hair and so greying at the temples and so forth was just fine with me. She was and is beautiful. I don’t have an abundance of grey hair. One or two strands amongst the tangle but nothing significant. I used to love a black rinse like no ones business though.
But think on this. Why do we cover our grey hairs? If we are going to have a conversation about natural hair and the sulfate free, paraben free, blah, blah, blah…(which is all good don’t get me wrong) - we are going to have to talk about going grey. Yep grey! All naturally. We have to talk about the stigma about and around that. For women and to a lesser (much, much lesser) degree men, grey signifies - things like:
Letting yourself “go”
Getting old
Not caring about your appearance/sloppy/ “cat lady” type insults spring to mind
Being new age-y
After reading a New York Times article entitled “Working to Disarm Women’s Anti-Aging Demon.” Ashton Applewhite gave me a different perspective about why we cover those grey’s like our lives depend on it. Applewhite writes, “ (Women covering their greys are) trying to pass for younger is like a gay person trying to pass for straight or a person of color for white.”
OOOOHHHH MY HEAVENLY FATHER SHE SAID WHAT???!!!
But it didn’t stop there. Applewhite went on.
“These behaviors are rooted in shame over something that shouldn’t be shameful. And they give a pass to the underlying discrimination that makes them necessary.”
At this point I’ve broken into a sweat. The woman is reading us FOR FILTH!
“For movements to have power, their members have to embrace the thing that is stigmatized. That means moving from denying aging to accepting it, and even to embracing it.”
Thank you Ms. Applewhite. Let me steady myself against the wall and draw breath.
The question Applewhite poses is interesting. Are the comparisons accurate? What do you think? Can you be yourself? Can you accept yourself? Can you love yourself in your skin as you are without having to chase an ideal?
There’s NOTHING wrong with covering your grey’s if it makes you feel more yourself. But perhaps the question is, who is that self? Has she or he evolved into the person that has earned those greys through living a full and complete life - ups, downs, heartbreaks, triumphs, stress, joy, strain and grief all in portion to the unique person living that life?
We can be proud of ourselves at every age. In every stage of life. The goal is not to be perfect (frozen in time at your favorite age). The goal is to be whole. Color or don’t color as you please. But if you like. Go grey - gracefully!
